What Are We Now?

Like seriously,

I don't understand you.

I don't even understand myself.

So for sure I wont be understanding us.

We haven't been contacting,

and it hurts me seeing you and your beloved ex.

Your tweets on twitter,

Your likes on Facebook,

It all hurts.

Yeah I posted about you much.

But it's because I cant actually talk about you

or to you.

People say that
"You'd never 'loved' someone. It's either you still do or you never did."
So which one is your feelings towards me?
Are you tryinna kill me or something?

Okay I can understand me hurting when you kinda ignore me,
of course, I miss you like so damn fucking much.
But what I don't understand is that
Don't you miss me at all?

Was I just a thing you used to forget you ex at the moment?
Or did everything actually means something to you?

Another thing.
You remember when I asked you
What are we now?
I mean are we still on or are we off?
Something like that.

And you said like
What d'you mean?
 And I said
I don't even understand myself
And you said
Then?
And I said
...just ignore it.
And you said

K

Not even with a dot.

Just that.

Just a friggin' K

You do know how much I hate that, right?

I like freakin' hate it.

And I was like

Don't you fucking K me,you son of a bitch.

But I didn't type that of course.

I thought I should just let it go.

But then when I read it again,

my fingers just move.

K? Kill yourself.

Sorrayyy.

I really didn't mean it that way.

But really,

What you sent me could be considered rude.

So I just gave you the same shit

...amplified.

Yeah it may actually sound stupid,

and like why did I text you to ask about that important question and stuff.

I tried to call but you were hanging out with your friends and your battery went out.

And I wanted to call another time but I was afraid that I wouldn't make it.

Well I still AM.

All the panic attacks I'm afraid I'll get when I listen to your voice after all this time.

I still have goosebumps when I talk to you okayy.

Can I ask another thing?

Are you into her again?

I mean your lovely ex,

Farahin Natasha Shehimi.

Her.

I'm jealous.
A lot.
Like 'totally major massive jealousy attacking my not-so-peaceful town of heart' a lot.
Help.

Btw sorry I put her picture in,
couldn't help it.

xoxo, Al ♥

Just a little piece of advice...

Let's see.

 I wanna say something it.

I'm sorry.

It's just in my mind.

I think I should let it out but it just won't be nice if I say it to other people.

There are some friends of mine.

A class of them.

No, not my class.

Ysee,
in our program,
(What you might call school)
we have like this weekly aerobic holding on.
It's not even weekly actually.
More like, twice to thrice a week.
Every time by a diff class.
And then repeat the cycle again and again
throughout the year.

Well,

THEY,
the whole class,
had to handle the aerobic that time.
They were like,
super excited,
and as from our (other classes) perspectives,
VERY PREPARED.

But...
Yea there's a but here.
On that day,
I went to the hall earlier than the others to watch them practice
and to join the rehearsal of course.

I have to admit,
their routines were like ohsemm.
Super cute.
Super duper.
Really.

But suddenly
while they were practising,
a fight came out.
More like an argument actually.
Between the girl from a group who hadn't prepare a routine for their slot
and the guy who had edited the songs and piled it all together.
I shouldn't say anything about their fight for their sake okay.
But lets say one thing.

Whilst they were shouting at each other.
Oh no, I shouldn't use the word shouting.
No, they weren't.
But the way they talk was a bit harsh.
Not the words, just the tone.
I'll say it's harsh 'cause both the boy and the girl 
were so soft-spoken before.
Whilst they were like that,
I was thinking.

The thing is..
What I'm tryinna say here is that,
it's okay to have fights between the class,
I mean sometimes family fights right?
But, just a little piece of advice from me to you guys out there,
I think you should control it when you're in front of the other classes.
You don't reveal you family's scars to others right?

It's okay, really.
It's okay for me when
you guys acted that way in front of me.
I don't really mind.
But there were others.
Some even came to me after the aerobic sessions and asked,

"They had a fight, didn't they?

What was I supposed to say?
I don't wanna badmouth your class.
Or anybody's class.

So again,
yeah.
You do get my point here right?

xoxo, Al ♥